someone be my kut-ku
A big dumb homecoming rant about the nature of roleplaying
The whole issue I have with RP is I have so many basic ideas but it is difficult to find a partner willing to help me elaborate on them. Most of my ideas are romantic, but not all of them, and some are generic but just fun in my mind. Fun stories to tell are my goal and lengthening my posts and working on my style are my two desires.
I guess I’d almost rather just write solo, in a way. I want to tell a story about a Tewi who plays tricks on a visitor forever, until she finally realizes they don’t bother him anymore and he welcomes them just to see her. I want to tell a story about an Alice who is actually as the joke goes, friendless and alone, who relies on her dolls who are barely more than extensions of inner voices to deal with her boring and lonesome life, with them being mirrors to talk to at night about her social interactions with her beloved Marisa, who sees her and helps her but isn’t romantic with her, or at least not to start.
I want to tell a tale that builds over time, that doesn’t rush into hugs and love making, a tale that is more about human emotion mixed with some special circumstances for living in a world with monsters, over a tale of adventure and light-hearted love. Even if the story is a light-hearted romance, it is better when built up slowly, over the course of dozens of meet ups.
The sad thing is, even I want to rush things at times. Get to the good part, savor that adorable cuddling or love-making. But that is me as a person, not a story-teller. That’s why RP is horrifically difficult for me. I feel like bonding with my character and putting myself in their shoes ends up with me falling for a fictional person who another person represents. Not that I don’t want to be in a relationship, but I want to love the person too, and that takes time just like a good story.
If someone out there is willing to take eons to work with me and all my faults and tell stories of two individuals with problems who become friends, enemies, or lovers over the course of many posts, then I will return to roleplaying. I know that its a selfish request, but that is what I want from the hobby, and if I can’t have that, I have dozens of other hobbies to pour that energy into.
[[well, if you have an opinion, feel free to send me an ask. I’m always on skype too, just invisible. Maybe I’ll see some of you there.]]
[[I’m interested in coming back to RP, but I’d probably change characters and such. But the thing is, it all becomes too personal to me, like its my real life.]]